I don't know if many people can relate, but I am sure some can. I just wish my life would get back to normal sometimes. I miss the normal part where my grandpa was still alive, I miss a certain someone so much. I try not too. I never thought that I would be where I am at right now. I guess it's all part of God's plan for me, and I try to have faith in him and know that he wants me to learn from these situations I get put in. But it's so hard to accept. I guess to accept and move on. I try to be strong but it's so hard when all you want to do everyday is cry because your life changed from normal to what the heck is going on? Where am I? I just wish I could breathe. My heart aches so bad lately, and I miss my family. I miss the structure. I have alienated myself from so many people, and it's because I get tired of faking happy. I try to be happy for real, but it's hard when you feel like you can't cry.
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When my marriage to Jim ended, the psychologist we were going to told me that my life, or the life I had been living, had become my fantasy and was no longer my reality. I grieved over that. She told me I had to build a new reality for myself. Life is full of loss and change and the best thing we can do is adjust and move on. There is nothing that says what is next is worse. It might be that something wonderful is just around the corner. We have to have hope. I have found that if I am living my life in a way that seems right to me AND pleases God, I can have peace of mind. With peace of mind, I can at least be free of the internal conflict that happens and destroys peace of mind. And you are so right about God having a plan and knowing best. The trick is to live worthy of His blessings that help us through the tough times. His blessings are predicated upon our obedience. Don't give up! Life can be wonderful. We can make our wonderful within the framework of our lives. Hang in there. Something good could be so close! And you have a lot of control about how your life goes because of your choices. You are not a piece of flotsam floating mindlessly in a sea of nothingness. You are a rational, thinking and very intelligent woman. Make your destiny! Do something meaningful and see how good it feels to be the one who chooses. Never mind men. They come and go, but women make their lives, with or without the men. And that's a big secret -- we are worthwhile even if some man doesn't see our value. The value is still there. We can function and have great lives because of who we are!
Enough said! I love you.
Dear Amanda, I thought you might find this quote helpful,"To be in control of your life, to be a success regardless of your situation ...I recommend you come to know your Father in Heaven. Come to love Him. Always remember that He loves YOU(Amanda) and will give YOU(Amanda) guidance and support if you will but give Him the chance. Include Him in your decision making. Include Him in your heartaches and heartbreaks. Include Him when you take inventory of your personal worth." Elder Marvin J. Ashton
You are a daughter of our Heavenly Father and he loves you very much. He wants you to succeed, but he has also given you the ability to choose for yourself. Making right choices is the key. Think about what the results of each choice will be, will if make you happy, will it cause someone pain, is it honest, will it build you up or tear you down. There are many people who love you and care about what happens to you and they want you to succeed and have a life well-lived. With love from a friend.
hey
i know how you feel
like everything its going allright and then it just shatters
at least ure alive and ok
try and love life live it up as much as you can
the black hole can stay for so long
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